If Chewbacca had an iPhone

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there were few options for mobile consumers. If only there had been an Apple store next to the Mos Eisley cantina. If Chewbacca had an iPhone, the Empire may have never had their chance to strike back.

Credit: wookies-etc

Genius?! Wookies don't care about job titles. Just give him the phone!

First of all, Chewie could have used the Google voice-recognition app to growl and grunt the word “Alderaan” in Wookie-speak. This would have instantly provided an optimal route from his current location on Tatooine.

Along the way, Chewie could have used the AroundMe app to determine that the silver sphere in the distance was “no moon” but rather a ‚Äúspace station”. AroundMe wouldn’t have tagged the Death Star in the “moon” category, but rather the “space station” category. (This is the power of metadata for SEO. It saves lives. – Obi Wan might still be here today!)

Chewie would probably have been peeved that a tractor beam was jacking up his Wi-Fi connectivity, possibly in time to divert the Millennium Falcon’s course. After all, he’d likely be looking up optimal space chess moves using the Shredder Chess app, in order to beat that pesky droid.

And don’t get me started about the Millennium Falcon’s broken hyper drive. Assuming the technical writers at the Corellian Engineering Corporation (CEC) had done their jobs, Chewie would have downloaded the documentation for YT-1300 freighter repairs before leaving Tatooine. I presume he would have saved the manual for offline viewing using the InstaPaper application (I’m thinking signal strength may be poor from within the belly of a giant space slug.) And if CEC Techcomm were really on top of things, they would have chunked up their docs into topics and optimized them for web search. Once he reconnected, Chewie could have used the Safari app to find hyper drive repair topics at mobile.CEC.com.

I know I’ve only scratched the fuzzy surface. In the comments, tell me which iPhone app YOU think Chewie would have used, and why?

11 Responses to “If Chewbacca had an iPhone”

  1. Great concept, Tristan! But would Chewbacca be able to use an iPhone with those fat, hairy fingers of his?

  2. Love this one, Tristan. Great job! The only real issue you didn’t address is whether AT&T was part of the Empire so Chewie could still have connectivity in the reaches of the Old Republic.

  3. dude…. I tunes. He totally would need to just chill to some Sade after that….

  4. Small point of order: in the Star Wars world, AT&T is spelled: AT-&T.

  5. Chewie would have been able to assuage his jealousy of the Jedis by rocking out with the Lightsaber for iPhone ap.

    • I’m thinking he’d be rocking both the app and playing around with a ForceFX toy lightsaber too. I can just hear Han, “Would you STOP swinging that thing in here?! I’m trying to fly!”

  6. top notch sir, to notch

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